books, ness talks about life

Five [Other] Uses For Books

Books are all very well when used for their actual purpose – that of reading them. But what other purposes can they be used for? And – more importantly – which books would you use?

1. a weapon. There’s an intruder into the house. What book do I throw at him?

The Misinterpretation of Tara Jupp by Eva Rice. It’s lengthy, heavy and in hardcover. And if it turns out that the intruder is a friend, there’s always the opportunity to say: “I misinterpreted your entrance.”

Your friend may not be too impressed by your wit, but golly, you will be.

… and I wouldn’t feel guilty about it either.

2. fuel. It’s cold and we are in the depths of winter. What’s the first book that I’d chuck on the fire?

Found Treasure by Grave Livingstone Hill. I loved the premise and waited for several years to get my hands on a copy. When I finally did … you know endings? Those little things that are supposed to wrap-up a story and you know, finish. Generally, they are quite satisfying. This wasn’t satisfying. What was up with it? It could have been brilliant. It could have been one of my favourite books ever.

It wasn’t.

Burn it.

Love's Sacred Song (Treasure of His Love)
I’m sorry. But no.

3. memory. My electronic device is full. Which ebook do I get rid of first?

Love’s Sacred Song by Mesu Andrews. It was based on the Song of Solomon and, and … well, to put it simply, it and I were like an American and marmite.


4. origami. There is an origami themed birthday party and I don’t have any paper – which book do I decimate first?

That Alistair MacLean book that said that it was an Alistair MacLean book and wasn’t. It was his plot but written by someone else. I was betrayed. Thus, this book would be the origami’s first victim.

“Ah,” the host would say. “What a lovely … er, swan?”

5. fly-swatter. There’s a massive daddy-long-legs smugly flying around my room. It hasn’t been given leave to do so. Which book would I use to bring the hammer of the law down upon it?

The one closest to me, for books are important, but fly-eradication is too.


I accidentally (and I lay the blame at wordpress’ feet, perhaps unfairly) might have spammed you today [Sunday] with an earlier draft of this post. Forgive me. And revel in the fact that I am time traveling to tell you this. Time. Traveling.

(Pfft. Post scheduling? Never heard of it.)

Have a splendiferous week!

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