books – of words & books

It’s my youngest niece’s fault. I laid a selection of books out on the bed and asked her to choose which one that I should take on a trip. She chose this one, because she likes horses. I see her logic.

No. I’ll revise this. It’s my fault, firstly for buying the book, and secondly, for actually reading it. I take full responsibility.

And I regret everything.

places I wish I hadn’t read this book: in a cafe, on a train, at a train station, in castle, in an airbnb …

What’s this book about? you ask. Well. W-eee-eeelll. Thank you for asking. It’s a book about a ‘brutal, raw adventure of warriors caught in a struggle for survival in 27th century, post-cataclysmic America’. So, you know, a typical Thursday. There are, as far as I can tell, some cat-people, lots of telepaths (it’s called ‘mind-speaking’), and men running around badly in need of a bath – and manners.

It would be easy to list everything I loathed about this book. I did, in fact. It’s one of my favourite sort of jokes – the ‘I won’t say how much I can’t stand Alice, but if I did, I’d say she was a rotten, no-good, mass produced troglodyte, but I WON’T’ – but I reread the list, sighed, thought ‘… not today.’ I wouldn’t want to waste the joke.

If I was to be thorough with writing this ‘review’, you know, I should really reread this book. Once. Twice, even. But life is short, each second that passes is another that can never be retrieved. Time is precious. I’d rather waste it in better ways.

This is all my personal opinion of course and if this book is one of your favourites … well, look, I won’t apologise for my opinion, but I will say (in a higher pitched voice with very wide eyes) ‘oh, okay! that’s nice! the weather is good today! gee, the economy! isn’t it terrible nowadays?!’

The book spends a lot of time with a distinguished gentleman by the name of ‘Bili of Morghun’. What a man. What a bloke. What a … what a character. That’s a way to describe him, a character. A hero? No. I refuse. My heroes, you see, don’t typically reflect on the rapine that they’ve recently engaged in as if it is a rite of passage that all males undergo.

My heroes, I like to think, have basic morals. And ethics.

“But to slay women and children … even babes …” Vaskos began.

“Nits make lice, Kinsman!” Bili shrugged.
Bili of Morghun, an all around good guy!

But – I hear you ask – this is 27th century, post-cataclysmic America! You can’t possibly impose your morals on Bili! Not Bili of Morghun!

To which I respond with ‘… watch me.’

You see, I don’t care. I dislike Bili. I don’t hate him, that would require an effort that Bili doesn’t deserve. (He doesn’t need it either. Bili is very strong, you know. Quite capable. I know, because we’re told this a lot.) I’d say that Bili needed therapy but I don’t think it would work.

He isn’t ‘the hero’ of the book. I shouldn’t like to call him the protagonist either. It has a ‘pro’ in it, you see, and in my humble opinion, Bili of Morghun (YES – Bili of Morghun!!!) is all ‘con’. Sorry Bili, even if your mind-speak is simply the best (better than all the rest!) I simply cannot say how marvellous you are. Such a thing would require facts and evidence.

But don’t worry, in a twist that would no doubt offend Bili dreadfully – he isn’t even the REAL contagonist. It’s Milo. Yes! I know! The shock! I didn’t see it coming either!

I think that if a pre-pubescent child had encountered the wonder of Conan the Barbarian and had yet to understand empathy, nuance and what good characters are – and bear with me, this scenario is continuing – and if this child had then been requested to write a short story with a male lead …

… it would have turned out better than this.

I must give the author some kudos, the world building exists. It could be an interesting, if slightly puzzling, world. No, I will not provide any examples. I refuse. To put it bluntly: you cannot make me.

the book opens with some poetry that would surely make Keats and Yeats WEEP in envy

I know, I know … you could say ‘ah, but it’s a product of its time’, but my gosh! so was using asbestos, and smoking for its health benefits, and dosing Victorian children with drugs to soothe them!

In short, in summation, tl;dr … I’d like to say – this book was not my cup of tea and I wouldn’t recommend it.

Thank you.

And goodnight.

ness talks about life

2022 – it happened

December 30, 2022 nesskingsley

2022 was a year that happened. That’s an entirely accurate statement. No word of a lie. Things were done and doings were … thinged (?) Moving swiftly on …

WRITING

I have written two novellas, finished one fanfiction project (I have zero regrets), and started countless projects. I wish that I could have done more, but it hasn’t been my focus this year … and that’s okay.

Project If is changing form again. I think I’ve cracked the problem – the reason why I haven’t been able to look it in the eye for months, if not years. The genre is the problem. Humour is where I feel most comfortable, and I think if I concentrate on inserting that aspect into the book, I might actually end up with something I can be happy with. (And giggle about. Because I dearly love to giggle at my work. IT’S FUNNY DANG IT ALL. I WILL POINT YOU TO THE BOOK ABOUT TOXIC UNICORN MANURE. MY SENSE OF HUMOUR IS REFINED hahahahaha.)

ADVENTURES

I’ve been very blessed to have had lots of adventures this year. I’ve written about one or two of them on here.

bruges was beautiful, like a postcard come to life

To get to spend time with the people I love? To watch my nieces and nephews grow up? To just hang with friends and family? To be a part of their adventures – big or small? To cheer on my best friend as she went on a big-awesome-amazing adventure of her own? To watch Rings of Power with my brothers and sister-in-law and terrorise them all with my firm devotion to Adar AKA Father of the Year? My bank account may never be heaving but I’m rich and I defy anyone who says otherwise.

READING

Storygraph tells me I’ve read 46 books this year. To read the list of books is to time travel, in a way. There’s a few comic books on there – may I recommend Batman Adventures and also Batman: Curse of the White Knight?

a dear friend sent me this book and it made me cry so please read it too

There’s a spattering of non-fiction, Backstabbing For Beginners by Michael Soussan was incredibly immersive … and eye opening … and depressing. Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman gave me a dose of reality and a wish to make the most of the time I’ve been given.

It would be hard to choose my very favourite book this year, but I have to say, listening to the Powder Mage trilogy by Brian McClellan was wild and I would 100% recommend. I also discovered Mo Dao Zu Shi, a story that is living proof that you can cram maximum tropes into one narrative with maximum impact and it is 10/10 inspirational to writers everywhere.

Oh! Hot tip: if you ever read The Communist Manifesto, I’d suggest reading Animal Farm first. Also pronouncing bourgeoisie is one of my favourite things to do.

MOVIES

RRR – I watched it. I stayed up until 1:30 am to finish it and what a wild ride. Reader, I was consumed. It was a musical, an essay on the horrors of British Colonialism, a bromance, an Intro To The Care And Keeping of Tigers 101, Action Scenes That Tom Cruise WISHES He Was Part Of, and just … perfection. I’m going to be watching it again with a friend and I cannot wait.

I went to see The Batman three (3) times and I have zero (0) regrets. The OST moved me to tears (‘It’s the cellos, Mum!’) and everything – everything – was a feast for a dedicated Batman: The Animated Series fan. Please watch it and you’ll agree with me that this Batman? He’d deffo adopt an orphan and think it 100% normal behaviour to let him run amok on the streets as Robin.

You can’t really mention Batman without also mentioning the horrible loss of Kevin Conroy this year; he will always be the definitive voice of Batman, and was a thoroughly wonderful human being. Batman will always bear the mark of his legacy.

MUSIC

clearly ambiguous is a prestigious two-person music group band thing of which I am a half. Heh. Read that sentence again. I don’t like to brag, but we had twenty-two monthly listeners the other day. Which, you know, is one more than twenty-one. We’re kinda famous like that.

I don’t have any excuse for this, really. Except that it was lots and lots of fun to do and now I’m blessed with knowing that I have a cackle that could be called creepy. This self-knowledge is very enlightening. Someone give me flight clearance, cause I am ascending.

LIFE

They say that time flies but listen, it doesn’t. There was so much muchness in 2022 my head boggles with it. I look back on it all and I require smelling salts ASAP please and thank you! I’ve learned a lot – in the conventional sense – I’ve always kept educating myself because oh heck yeah, it’s fun. (The mitochondria is the something of something.) But in the rest? About life? I feel like I know less. Logic? WHERE YOU AT?

2022 wasn’t always an easy year, but how can I look back on it with anything but fondness, because I was lucky enough to spend it with those I care about?

And to you, yes you, reading this post – thank you! I hope you have a wonderful new year. Have courage, and be kind – to yourself and to others. I’ll try and do the same.

Happy New Year!

books, ness' slow descent into madness / rants

jurassic park AKA dinosaurs tho’

August 14, 2022 nesskingsley

I tried a matcha colada recently. It tasted like one would imagine an unfortunate frog would, had it been whizzed up in one of those whizzer things and poured into a glass. It had texture.

What has this got to do with Jurassic Park, you ask? Simple. 1) it’s an analogy I just thought up and 2) it’s about the DNA, specifically the frog DNA which this drink doesn’t have, but the dinosaurs do because their DNA was edited by Doctor Wu in the aforementioned book.

Wow. What a smooth segue.

I’ve read Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton. Boom. Segue.

Let me tell you – if I hadn’t been aware of the movies, I’d have lost my mind over this book. DINOSAUR CLONING? IN THIS ECONOMY? Sign me up. Yes, I accept.

As it is, I’ve watched Lost World and Jurassic World and Jurassic World: Lava Is Hotter Than That, Surely, but I still really enjoyed this book.

I wasn’t expecting so many people to be eaten and expressed this horror to a friend when we met up afterwork. I read the passage outloud where the newborn baby gets eaten by the little dinosaurs (‘THEY REALLY WENT THERE! ISN’T IT AWFUL? LISTEN TO THIS BIT.’) and hindsight is a beautiful thing and really, I don’t think reading it in public was a brilliant idea..

I read it on the train and at home and on a road trip and basically, if this book had a step counter, it would be quite high. But it doesn’t, so it can’t. (Unlike dinosaurs, books don’t have legs. FACTS.) And look, I’ve stared at the front cover far too much and thought WOW THAT’S SO CLEVER IT’S A SKELETON OF A T-REX BUT IT’S ROARING BECAUSE IN THE BOOK THE T-REX ROARS AND IT’S A CALL BACK TO MUSEUM EXHIBITS EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT IT’S A REAL DINOSAUR and yes, I am widely known for my intellect and astonishingly creative thinking – why do you ask?

Oh, and there’s these two kids on the island – Lex and Tim – and I kept on reading Tim as Tim Drake aka one of Batman’s Robins which lead to a very disorientating reading, especially when he gets to the computer monitors. Like, Tim, you literally could do this in your sleep. Why is it taking so long to- waiiiitttt.

Lex, boy oh boy, Lex annoyed me.

BUT, I think she’s well-written. She’s just a kid. A kid dragged to partially complete island resort with dinosaurs by her grandfather who is whack-a-doodle-dandy in his thinking. Grandfather Of The Year, I’m calling it now.

Obviously I had to watch the movie. I know! First time watching it? What an uncultured swine! I loved it. I finished it underneath a bridge, on my mobile phone, during a heatwave. (These are factors you do not, in fact, need to know.)

In short, I’d recommend both the movie and the book. I’m also desperately looking forward to watching Jurassic World: Dominion which apparently is terrible and therefore, entirely up my street.

ness talks books

crocodile on the sandbank: amelia is single until she isn’t

May 21, 2022 nesskingsley

Let’s pretend I haven’t taken a long hiatus from this blog (HI HOW ARE YOU FORGIVE ME), and let me tell you about the first book from a series that I would happily tattoo on my body. (Though, because such real estate is limited, I’ll just write about it here.) It’s the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters AKA Barbara Mertz and it is most excellent.

Amelia Peabody inherited two things from her father: a considerable fortune and an unbendable will. The first allowed her to indulge in her life’s passion. Without the second, the mummy’s curse would have made corpses of them all.
goodreads blurb

This is … the beginning of everything. And I think, once you’ve read the whole series, it’s very much worth coming back to reread this one. You will gain an entirely new perspective. Different interactions will take on a great more worth and meaning once you’ve seen how everything plays out.

CROCODILE ON THE SANDBANK

I must admit – I view this book through rose-tinted glasses. With fond eyes. That sort of thing – but if you read this and think oh there’s stuff that I like but other things that are a little meh (cough the mummy cough) then continue on with the series because let me promise you: it only gets better. Everything is up from here. All the stuff you love will be present IN SPADES. Yes. I love this series. No, I don’t have any chill.

THE MYSTERY

There’s a curse! There’s a mummy haunting the archaeological camp! What will we do?? When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout! (I’m a poet …)

“Stop,” he ordered, in a low but compelling voice. “Do not take another step, or I fire! Dash it,” he added vexedly, “does the monstrosity understand English? How absurd this is!”
“It understands the gesture, at least,” I called, thrusting head and shoulders through the window. “Lucas, for pity’s sake, seize it! Don’t stand there deriding its linguistic inadequacies!”

It’s fun. Is it A++ Agatha-Christie-wishes-she-could-write-this? No. It’s not. It’s good, but it’s not great. But I’m not here for the mystery in this one. I’m here for the characters. More specifically, I’m here for Amelia Peabody and Radcliffe Emerson.

THE ROMANCE

Amelia starts off single as the last pringle in a pringle tube. She meets Emerson who is … cares for two things: his brother, Walter, and Egyptology. (And not necessarily in that order.) He is handsome. He is tall. He blusters. He immediately starts a battle of wits with Amelia.

Emerson: You, asking for advice? Let me feel your brow, Peabody, I am sure you must be fevered.
EMERSON, A MAN AMONG MILLIONS

It’s a delight to read. I adore it. I subscribe. This is my cup of tea. This waters all the crops I don’t have.

God help the poor mummy who encounters you, Peabody,” he said bitterly. “We ought to supply it with a pistol, to even the odds.
EMERSON, A MAN IN LOVE AND TERRIFIED BY IT

But for those who view his behaviour as Not Nice and excessively boorish, let it be known that he has Peabody’s number and his bark is worse than his bite. He might protest plenty but methinks he protests too much. Also he saves her life from a VERY DEADLY SNAKE and suffers a great deal of worry that he immediately tries to hide.

(He’s Victorian and they are all emotionally constipated. DON’T WORRY – WE WILL HAVE CHARACTER GROWTH.)

which they will handle with grace and aplomb

If you read ‘Amelia Peabody’s Egypt’ – you’ll find that there’s some excerpts from his own journal regarding these events. It’s perfectly delicious.

But let it not be said that Amelia doesn’t give as good as she gets. Forget the mystery, this book is really a tale of two people who are incurably fascinated with each other – and do their best to a) annoy each other and b) hide it in the midst of a potentially life-threatening situation.

I looked Emerson up and down. The clinical appraisal annoyed him, as I had known it would; he squirmed like a guilty schoolboy …
AMELIA PEABODY, EVERYONE

They are entirely suited to each other and – for the rest of the series – they are On Each Others Side. Married. Deeply In Love. But for this first book? We get to witness all the sparks flying. All of ’em. We get to see them reluctantly falling ever deeper in love.

There’s a secondary romance which is very Victorian-esque and suitably dramatic (but in the best way)

“To Walter! May he make Evelyn as happy as she deserves – or I will deal with him!”
“Spoken with characteristic tact,” said Emerson under his breath.
AMELIA PEABODY, EXCELLENT AT TOASTS

So while this book isn’t the very, very best of the series, it’s still good, it’s Elizabeth Peters finding her writing legs. This has to walk, so the rest can run and prod everyone with a parasol. This is the origin story so that we can have the other adventures. And in true, origin story style, it even starts with a dead parent. (*Batman has joined the chat*)

happy reading!

ness talks about life, ness talks books

endurance, and the tragic woe of the library computers being down

December 1, 2021November 21, 2021 nesskingsley

let’s time travel a little …

I’m in a busy coffee shop because the computers in the library are down and I can’t write the perfectly thrilling sci-fi novella series that is currently filling my brain.

(An integral part of my work day – nipping into the library and writing during my lunchtime – has been horribly disturbed. No one asked my permission. I am bitter.)

But, in a smooth segue, another part of my work day has recently ended – listening to Astronaut Scott Kelly talk in a dry monotone about space for 11 or more hours as I drove to and from work.

At first, I was dubious. Wasn’t sure I could last. Wasn’t sure I even liked the audiobook. Reader, I was very, very wrong. Not only did I enjoy it, I may have loved it? I like the dry monotone now? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?

Also I know so much about being an astronaut now. I feel fully prepared to strap myself to a rocket and shoot to the ISS.

(NASA? CALL ME. I’M READY)

Endurance flip-flops between Kelly’s one year stay on the ISS and the life journey it took to get there. And you know what? It is, to borrow a phrase from Spock, fascinating.

It was a difficult road and it is told in meticulous detail. The grit and determination it took can’t be understated. The perseverance required was inspiring.

It also sounds exhausting – the one track, driving push to reach your goal. But Kelly did it. He managed it. And he wrote a book and read it to me, personally, in the car. For two weeks.

I’d better vamos, the lunch hour is almost up. There is a couple on a lunch date sitting at the table next to me. My coffee waffle is eaten. Ice cream for lunch? Yep. That happened.

Zero regrets.

Also I tried to take a picture of my lunch and the flash was on and I can never come here again. The end. Have a good day.