I’ve found that there seems to be two lines of advice: one which says: whatever you do don’t use ‘said’. The other which states: use ‘said‘.
I’m also pretty certain that there is a third line: the one which I take – where the word ‘said’ is used whenever it can have a greater impact on the sentence.
For instance, this is a snippet of a first draft which I’ve recently typed up:
“If you don’t come back with me,” he said, affably, “I’ll knock you over the head and carry you back.”
“I have to do this.” Was that a hint of pleading in the boy’s gaze?
“Nay, you don’t. I won’t allow it.”
“I’d like to see you stop me.” The boy was spitting mad.
Timothy looked pointedly at the ropes in his hands, “I’ll bind you again.”
“I’ll hit you again.”
In this I’ve managed to make each line more diverse without adding the boring ‘he said, he replied, he stated, he warned etc etc’ (however – sometimes I lean to the side of making it too diverse and thus obscure, which makes me scratch my head and think ‘huh? Who is speaking?’).
Yes, there is a dreaded adverb in there – but, to be perfectly honest, I do use them. Not all the time; only when it suits my purpose.
Now, take a look at that first line of dialogue:
“If you don’t come back with me,” he said, affably, “I’ll knock you over the head and carry you back.”
The idea is that he [Timothy] is stating a threat in a friendly manner (a bit of an oxymoron that!). If I took out the ‘said’ and attempted to substitute it:
“If you don’t come back with me,” he threatened, affably, “I’ll knock you over the head and carry you back.”
I find it a little too chunky; the tongue trips over the words and the sentence is marred. And, on a side note, if I take out the adverb and add in this:
“If you don’t come back with me,” he threatened, in a friendly manner, “I’ll knock you over the head and carry you back.”
No – I don’t like it; it’s too long and looks ridiculous. So ‘said’ stays and the adverb too.
I’m learning, with every word typed; every sentence finished. Oh! I’ve only just learned that I can’t spell ‘dialogue’ – apparently there is an ‘a’ in there. Lesson duly noted, Spell Check.
Next post: the subject will be ‘the wunderful spelin’ of Nesss Kingysly’ …
I’ve worked for a while on eliminating ‘said’ from most dialogue, and instead replacing it with an action.
For example:
“I’d rather have the cheesecake.” Tim eyed the menu again. The brownie sundae did look delicious.
Some of the dialogue you used as examples have a few misplaced punctuation marks. This link is a good resource for dialogue punctuation: http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/
It *was* a first draft but … my grammar in general needs plenty of brushing up and is a bit of a weakness for me. Especially dialogue grammar. Thank you so much!
It’s taken a lot of my own study and practice to build my own punctuation skills. I still make mistakes.