recountings: the gift of fear

Welp. I’ve read an array of factual books. My gosh. What is wrong with me?!

The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence

by Gavin De Becker

In this empowering book, Gavin de Becker [..] shows you how to spot even subtle signs of danger – before it’s too late. Shattering the myth that most violent acts are unpredictable, de Becker [..] offers specific ways to protect yourself and those you love, including: how to act when approached by a stranger; when you should fear someone close to you; what to do if you are being stalked; how to uncover the source of anonymous threats or phone calls; the biggest mistake you can make with a threatening person; and more. Learn to spot the danger signals others miss. It might just save your life

I am a worry-wart. There. I confessed. My imagination often leaps to the most dire and illogical consequences and presents them to me in technicolour glory: do this, it says, and you’re probably definitely going to die.

As a perennial worry-wart and self-targeting-fearmonger, reading this book was rather freeing. I learned some things …

1 // Say No.

Mean The No.

I am a polite person. I hate embarrassment and hurting someone’s feelings. But sometimes you have to say no. It doesn’t matter if you come across as impolite or rude … what matters is this:

you don’t owe anybody anything

If you’re a) asked out or b) approached with a question that makes you uncomfortable … you can say no. You don’t need an excuse. You don’t need to apologise for not wanting to do something. Say no. It’s okay.

2 // Listen To Your Gut

It’s common sense – but if you get a certain prickly sense of this person is bad news ABORT SITUATION ABORT!! then you should probably listen to it. Don’t reason the feeling away. Investigate the matter. At a distance. A very distant distance.

However, if your gut tells you: I need a bar of white chocolate STAT … then that’s your stomach calling and you need a bar of white chocolate STAT.

3 // …

The Abusive Person Checklist Reminds Me Of Some Romance Novels Leads

‘… he had a bad childhood/his mum didn’t love him enough’ is not an excuse for abusive behaviour. It may be a reason or a cause, but by golly, abusive behaviour should never be excused, but, so often, it frequently is.