I was therefore forced to draw the only possible conclusion; I was going to be heinously murdered.
A MOST IRREGULAR PROPHECY
It started as a short story and it’s now a full-length book with a dope front cover and words and everything. If you fancy a bit of a barmy read with a Victorian, a reluctant Scribe, Unicorn-type-creatures, Portals, Propaganda, and a touch of romance? It’s here! It’s actually here!
It’s ready in paperback and ebook. (I’m particularly proud of the back cover. It has pamphlets and a hotair balloon.) Ahem. Anyway. This is a book. A book I wrote.
But oh – if it’s a tiny bit beautiful, if it’s a little funny, if it’s moving, if it’s a wondrous adventure, if it makes you see a glimmer of something you can’t quite name, or startles you into a laugh; if it’s something that I can be pleased with then, I would like to share it with you.
this book falls into ‘startles you into a laugh’ i think. whether that be good or bad, i’m not sure
If it’s not your cup of tea – that’s perfectly fine. If you read it and have a strong opinion (positive or negative! either is alright!) do scribble a review. Or don’t. This is a free country.
Either way, please join me in being excessively gleeful that – after six years of silence – a full-length book has finally been completed. I’m so very glad toshare this one with you.
I’d like to announce the fact that I had an idea about unicorn manure and I ran with it. And by that I mean, I wrote a book about it. An entire book.
Behold! Here it is in all of its glory:
It went like this:
I like Portal fiction
What if the person abducted had a very mediocre destiny? That would be funny, right? Right?
What if … they were abducted to shovel unicorn manure? What if it’s toxic to everyone but Humans?
*gasp* Why, Mr Spock – I think we’re onto something
I wrote a short story about the idea (‘one moment I was washing my car, the next I was neck-deep in manure‘ reads a highly attractive line), chuckled to myself, and then put it to the side, confident that I was quite hilarious and a genius. (These are dubious facts.)
Then, a few years later, I read the short story again, chuckled to myself and thought I was quite hilarious and definitely a genius. (Again, the facts are dubious.) But I went one step further – I decided that I’d write a book on that single premise.
And so I did.
That ‘and so I did’ sounds so … simple and laid back. It was not that simple. It was not that laid back. I had to seriously consider the implications of unicorn manure. I dedicated so much time to it. (Put that epitaph on my gravestone thank you very much. Follow it up with ‘a life well lived’.)
The heroine transformed from a 21st century girl with pop culture references and poop puns into a determined Victorian woman with flame-red hair and no poop puns.
And then, of course, in the lead romantic role is Mr Sorrow who isn’t thecoolest dude to ever dude… but … I like him. He’s dope. He’s cool. He’s also an alien.
It also has:
toxic unicorn waste (… you’re welcome, humanity)
a slow burn romance
unicorns but also not quite unicorns
furniture flying around (it’s ONE scene but … you know, it’s freakin’ Pulitzer winning. Ah-hem. The way I describe a table in flight? Well it could never be accused of being poetry but, well. It could never be accused of being poetry.)
everything going wrong
a Victorian heroine caught up in the middle of everything, determined to set everything to rights and then have a cup of tea like a boss.
It’s called A Most Irregular Prophecy. It’s not just about unicorn poop anymore. (Wow. What a tagline.)
“I didn’t have anything left to do except to die. I would do it nobly. With dignity. Preferably after a moving speech.”
A monstrous Natterdash is waking, the dread Wizard Tig is stalking Planet Ora, and a new Prophecy regarding their destruction has been announced. In the central role? A Human abducted from 21st century England and cast as The Foretold One.
Long time captive and full time Suffragist, Victorian Primula ‘Vi’ Ravensbourne is dragged into the mix to act as translator and Thrawk keeper. With unseen enemies, reluctant Foretold Ones, and a gift that is Most Unexpected, she’ll soon find that all is not as it seems.
Vi may want the populace to have a Voice, but one must be alive in order to speak. Can Vi help fulfil a Prophecy that is rapidly running off track, and off script?
It’s coming your way the 30th of July. That’s this year. 2021. Just so you know. (I once stayed up for a book release only to find that I’d got the wrong year.)
You can pre-order it on Kindle here and add it to your Goodreads to read list here.